My upstairs neighbor’s boyfriend needs to work on his stamina.
Jezebel is the bible’s first recorded prostitute. She is literally the oldest trick in the book.
Haters gonna give you anxiety.
Emails that start “Who’s in charge of…” seldom end in “because I want to pay them a compliment!”
My teeth are tanner than my face.
A Z is just a 7 with skis.
Carry on my wayward pun, for there’ll be grief when you are done.
My body type is Roman Gentry.
My fashion aesthetic is “should have lint rolled.”
True love is workshopping each other’s tweets.
High importance emails are the professional equivalent of your mom sending you a text at 5am saying "Call me asap" and then when you wake up in a panic and call her back, she says, "Do you remember my gmail password?"
Auto von Skidmark (I need to flesh this one out.)