I once started a blog about quitting smoking, but then I gave up on that. I got three posts and four days in before rampant cravings turned me into the kind of nicotine-addled lunatic that picks a fight with her boyfriend over a game of darts (he was cheating, probably), and after writing a lengthy diatribe condemning Big Tobacco, stop light cameras and the radiators in my apartment, I decided to abandon the whole thing and resume smoking, for the good of society. It is now several months later and I have forgotten the name of the blog, so somewhere on the internet are the addiction-fueled ravings of a madwoman who became irate at a jar of tomato sauce she couldn’t open and then, sulking, ate half a brick of cheese for dinner instead. Such is tragedy.
The first blog I ever had was on a site aptly named Melodramatic, where I posted hackneyed T.S. Eliot quotes and starry-eyed, wildly optimistic poems clearly written by someone who had never gotten diarrhea in a grocery store before or two parking tickets in the same day. I had to ask someone else to design it, as I didn’t (and still don’t) know HTML and generally have the computer skills of a garden shovel. Fortunately (for me and my future employers, anyway), the site was shut down around the same time as the jean skirt and 7th Heaven, so the world is spared of bad floral imagery and obvious rhyme schemes. The poems were backed up on a hard drive for safety’s sake, but I threw it in front of a train.
This blog will fall somewhere between incoherent, cigarette-deprived rants about how annoying birds are and clumsy sonnets about bumblebees and sunshine. In reality, there are pretty good odds of me abandoning this after a week in favor of sitting on my couch bingeing episodes of “Get Smart” and eating corn chips through a funnel, but one can dream.