Things Other Women Have Said to Me

  • Some people just aren’t as approachable as others. You understand, you have Resting Bitch Face.

  • Yeah, you look young now, but that shit’s going to drop like a bomb at some point.

  • Hey, you got your hair cut! They really messed up the side, didn’t they?

  • You know, if you’re going to wear lipstick that bright, you could really benefit from some blush. You look like an 80′s prom ghost.

  • I remember when you used to dress normal.

  • You look like Ashlee Simpson. Pre-nose job, of course.

  • Congratulations on eating an adult portion of your sandwich. You almost finished the whole thing!

  • I’m really glad you don’t have bangs anymore.

  • He’s pretty attractive. You’ll probably have to join a gym to keep up with that.

  • That pixie cut made you look like Justin Bieber.

  • Remember when you had that mullet? No? Well, I do.