A Comprehensive List of My Superpowers

  • Pouring myself a cup of coffee and then forgetting about it

  • Reheating that cup of coffee and then forgetting about it again

  • Taking my socks off in my sleep and only losing the cute ones

  • Wearing mismatched socks

  • Getting cheese on my pants

  • Buying plants and then killing said plants

  • Forgetting about said dead plants until they turn into powder

  • Buying small baskets and having nowhere to put them

  • Identifying Shakira songs

  • Pointing out discrepancies between the Harry Potter books and movies

  • Getting defensive when met with lack of enthusiasm about discrepancies between the Harry Potter books and movies

  • Finding ways to work my cat into conversations

  • Choosing the most problematic line at the grocery store

  • Internally debating if yelling fashion-related compliments out a car window counts as catcalling

  • Refraining from pulling over to ask her where she got those bomb ass boots

  • Getting drunk and telling my boyfriend how much I love him in exhausting detail

  • Ignoring the fact that he is already sleeping while I am drunk and telling him how much I love him

  • Getting lost in parking lots

  • Sneezing

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